(no subject)

okay. so. the alone thing? either it's getting old or I'm just shitty at learning it. I have to keep reminding myself that I want this. that I want to learn how to be more self fulfilling, self happy, self entertaining. more me. less everything else. this is a hard and crappy lesson. I don't like it.
I've gotten so far at work and yet I've lost sight of what 'I' am doing there. I mean, I know what I'm doing. I just feel like I need to slow down and focus on what my work actually is. not what's all going on around me. that's a hard one as well.
went to erotica LA and boy, was I under dressed. note to self: get cleaned up, dammit. you look like shit half the time.
also, I've met a real top. a real dom. and dammit, he's so got me figured out. I just fell like a ton of bricks. totally fell. it's not love, exactly. there's nothing like that. and I really really don't want any more entanglements. (see above)
but I am enjoying being understood by someone in a way I never have been before.
he plays hard too. dammit. i'd never tell him, but that fucker scares the shit out of me. being undersood is fucking scary.
family has gone on vacation so I'm getting my wish to be on my own.
so. getting confronted with a lot of stuff right now. I know I'm up for it. As M says, just breathe through it, focus.
shit.
I'm good.
yep.
good.