(no subject)

god I hate making mistakes. not little boo boo mistakes. but big ones. ones where, like, you think everythings fine and you're doing okay and then later you find out, no, you fucked up big time. sometimes I think I shouldn't be allowed out alone. without supervision.
also, I really hate anxiety. especially the middle of the night kind. the kind with cold sweat and a churning belly. so much for giving up my meds.
as usual, my solution will be to work harder. and try to keep my fucking mouth shut.
also, I'm trying to remember that it's not life and death. any mistakes I make are really just embarrassing. and difficult but no one's gonna die cause I said the wrong thing. I'm just not that important in the scheme of things. and I don't mean that in the bad way.
I just hate fucking up and I may have and it really sucks.
this is all very cryptic, I know.