Hey.

[frahulettaes]

Well. I've been wanting to update, really, truthfully, for a while. Lot's of lovely meta lately which has me thinking thinky things and fills my hour with the therapist with lots of interesting broken-ness. I feel like I'm personally going to send him on vaca this year though I also adore him beyond words. My first male therapist. *squishes* ADORE. Also, we perve on Daniel Craig together. He is OKAY in my book.

I commented to Cupidsbow that her link to Joanna Russ's essay on the doubleness of women's sexuality in america made me shatter. I'll dig up the link if you want it. It's just...amazing. My heart is a little bit broken.

I'm currently in love with a band called Staind. If you want to know how my heart sounds, just listen to any one of the recent songs: right here waiting, everything changes, outside, fade...that is how I sound inside.

Organized and printed out all of my lotr, tpm and one off fics. I'm going to finish them.

I have a new fandom. Hard core. Supernatural is...like staind, how I sound inside. And Dean is...omg. I have no words. I'd flail but I am really trying not to do that anymore. He's the guy I always felt like inside. (oh christ) (feels incredibly vulnerable) It's just so fucking true.
(I'm catching up on the whole of season one and two at www.tv-links.co.uk) (I bought S1 on dvd. Metallicar!)

I've been thinking a lot about sexism, gender and the nature of shame. I used to think grew up with a feminist mother. What I'm finding out is that she was not quite that. Because now I'm really finding out about sexism I'm seeing, really seeing things in a new way. I used to think that when Gibbs kissed Abbey on the cheek it was flirtatious. But it's not. He would never kiss Tony on the show, much as I might like for that to happen. And that's just one of a million tiny little things that make up the stew of white maleness I grew up in. Like watching On the Lot and Gary Marshall whom I LOVE and who has a sister who is a great film maker, but who's comments to women film makers on the show read like a misogynist's dream. 'We need women film makers' 'Stay true to your female voice' He wouldn't ever say something like that to the men. Though he was hard on them. It's just, he manages to work the fact that the women are women into every comment. ARG!

And how does shame work into that? And gender?

I'm still thinking about that. Coming to grips with my own shame has been interesting. And freeing. I'm happier. Conversely, I'm lonelier. And don't get me started on gender. Therapist of wonder has some interesting things to say about that. I'm taking it all into consideration. Well, crap.

It's time for bed.

Comments

yay for expansiveness!

[(Anonymous)]

that doesn't mean that Gibbs doesn't WANT to kiss Tony on the face...

It all just is as it is...twisty, but fun--complicated, but nasty--annoying, but joyous!

Love, Keen of Keen and The Been or is it Keene and The Beene -- or Keen and the Bean?

Re: yay for expansiveness!

[frahulettaes.livejournal.com]

Yes yes yes, the glorious contradictions! Holding two opposing thoughts at once!

Keen and Been is Keen and 'been there done that' so, um, no? How about Keen and Bean? That way it still rhymes.

Yay for kissing Tony!

[frahulettaes.livejournal.com]

No, I get where you're going. And I think, upon reflection, that you're right about Gibbs. As my roomy said, when Gibbs whacks Tony on the head, that's pretty much the equivalent of the kiss for Abbey. Likewise, I like the power exchange with the Director. She's the first to get in his face about being his boss, about being the one in charge. I really like that. Although it does still make me nervous when she shows her strengths. I DON'T WANT TO BE NERVOUS. But it just comes up and I know that it's my reaction to my own reaction. My own caution because of my own experiences. Which, in the end, is really all I can deal with isn't it? I mean, am I totally wrong that we're just only ever dealing with our own reactions?
As to ST, yes. I've always felt that the Trek 'Verse was the most diverse and equal of the scifi fandoms. Even Firefly, which I adore for the writing and characters, is predominantly white, male. I like the idea of making the courtesan a person of power, but she's still a woman beholden to Mal for the space. True she wouldn't let him boss her around. But he also called her whore in front of people. Belittling her for being an otherwise respected professional.
Sigh.
As I said above, I'm still just trying to work this through and I so appreciate your comments.
Thank you for taking the time to express yourself so thoughtfully.

[reshelved.livejournal.com]

Sorry for butting in if you meant this post only for your friends list, but I saw it on metafandom and found it interesting.


now I'm really finding out about sexism I'm seeing, really seeing things in a new way. I used to think that when Gibbs kissed Abbey on the cheek it was flirtatious. But it's not. He would never kiss Tony on the show, much as I might like for that to happen. And that's just one of a million tiny little things that make up the stew of white maleness I grew up in.

I hadn't consciously thought about it until I read this, but NCIS is pretty good for sexism--it exists in the show, but mostly as a character trait (Tony's sexism is different from Gibbs's sexism is different from Ziva's sexism), and it's usually acknowledged. What stood out to me was when, at the end of season two, Gibbs and Ducky actually talked about their sexism, about the way it was different for them to lose a female teammate. Their sexism is kinda paternal, not exaggerated & crude like Tony's, but they're still a little embarrassed about it. Relatedly, I don't think Gibbs would treat Abby the same way if she were male, but I believe he knows that.

The show seems thoughtful when it comes to gender, without (as you say) "work[ing] the fact that women are women into every comment." It's nice to see gender acknowledged but not bought into wholesale. I actually know people who resemble the kinds of women and men on NCIS, which is pretty different for a weekly TV show.

[frahulettaes.livejournal.com]

I don't mind at all and welcome.
I have to run out, so consider this a placeholder till I can work through what you're saying and have an intelligible response.
Thanks for commenting.

[frahulettaes.livejournal.com]

I've been thinking about your comment a lot. I agree that NCIS does a pretty good job with gender; Ziva who is very masculine and hard headed and linear without the intuitive softening of empathy, McGee who's practically Ziva's opposite because I see Ziva and Tony as roughly analagous, and Gibbs being well, Gibbs, a total hardass old school Marine.
And I'm asking myself, why does Gibbs kissing Abbey as a reward for good work just rattle me so much? I came to the idea that it is patronizing for him to do that, which is in character for him, and I 'love' it. And that's what bugs me. I love the way he is with Abbey and I'd love to be in her position and, here's the sticky part of me, patronizing women is 'wrong'. I'm writing this baldly, without softening it because that is my kneejerk reaction: I love Gibbs patronizing Abbey, Patronizing women is wrong, therefore, I'm wrong for loving it. So part of me is wondering if I'm coming from the opposite swing of the pendulum, i.e. any sort of affection between man and women is patronizing, which I know intellectually isn't true, but is part of my skewed feminisim from the matre of doom.
I also want to stress that I love this show passionately. It's the one show I simply watch for fun without reading the fic or discussing too much. Conversely, it's also the one that I have the most reactions to.
As I said in another comment, the Director makes me very uncomfortable, BECAUSE she's a strong female character and my personal experienc with expressing my stronger character traits has been disastrous. I'm fully aware that I and my experiences are not seperate from my watching. And I feel not a little bit self indulgent talking endlessly about this.
Thank you for taking the time to comment so succinctly.
wede