A little Sunday night writing exercise.

[frahulettaes]

Maybe it's because I'd get bored otherwise or maybe it's the forward motion. Shrug. What ever. And while I've been driving lately, I've been thinking about female space. Female perception. Which is weird because I spend a lot of time not wanting to be a girl. Go figure. But while I was thinking about this I was thinking that, yeah, our popular culture is totally male, totally white, totally privileged. Women are always in cleaning product adds, the driving story of most tv scripts seems to be a huskerdu of matching couples up, boy to girl, girl to boy, or holding it out in front of them for season after season so we are kept waiting and wanting the 'finale' while hoping it never comes because that would mean the end of the show. Or the end of our interest in it. It's annoying. Frankly. And boring.

It's so overwhelmingly everywhere, that it's hard to even imagine what another way to look at entertainment looks like. We all know the statistics: most boys won't read books with girls in the lead, strong roles for women are few and far between and heaven forfend you get past your prime at twenty and start to look your age, cause that's it for you babe.

And it's really easy to just go along with that. To just keep looking for that raisin, that little shock of pleasure that re-assures that we're in with the group. That we're part of 'it'. That somehow, we can still be in the game. Because that's what's expected of us. And re-enforced for us. All. The. Fucking. Time.

Which just rankles. Even while I like a lot of what's offered, though I bet that if entertainment where more balanced, I'm sure that what I'd like would totally change. What ever. I can't change what I've been conditioned to. But I can change how important I make it.

Now, bear with me on this. I've been a history geek ever since I saw Errol Flynn swing on a rope from one mast to another. And one thing that happens for me is that I spend a lot of time during shows or books, filling in the blanks. Like, ooo nice dress, but it shouldn't have that dart, not at that date. You know, totally pindicking. Hey, gotta get my jollies where I can.

It wasn't until I started reading more around these here blogs and lj's about privilege and sexism that I started picking apart and filling in those huge gaps left by shows with regards to women, and violence, and sex, and...yeah, you know.

So, it was kind of a shock to me to realize, while driving, of course, that one thing I get, more than any other thing besides porn, from slash is that I don't have to fill in the holes. I don't have to make it fair. Or balanced. Not that all slash is fair, balanced and even. It's not. But I have to do it a whole heck of a lot less than with mainstream stuff.

Why I like it is because it's the one place I can get to see things, guys, stories, from something approaching my perspective. So, yeah, if you wanna call that the feminist perspective or the female space, I can see that. Personally I don't know what those things mean in academia. I don't know how feminists see things really, though I read a lot of the blogs and lj's. Sometimes I get it. Sometimes I don't. Frankly, I'm a little put off by the whole elitist air that surrounds a lot of that conversation. Not that I disagree with what's being said, mind you.

What's odd to me is how slippery the programming is in the whole culture thing and how hard it is to keep a handle on what's in and what's out of line for me. Sometimes, I don't know it till I see and sometimes, even when I see it, I can't always say what it is about it that bugs me. And a lot of the time, I just act out of my conditioning because I get this speed freak thing goin where everything has too happen now and it's damn hard to think about your reactions when you're goin so fast. (pardon my tense abuse)

I'm not gonna even pretend anymore that I'll ever get the whole meta thing. But I'm done pretending to be stupid because I haven't read the right books. That's something I did out of some old programming and some old habits. I may not say it the way the cool kids do, but that doesn't mean I don't understand or have nothing to say.

So I guess I'm coming around to seeing things differently. It's just easier once you're outside the bio-dome to see what's running around inside it. Like a funky ant farm.

Problem with being outside the bio-dome? Not that many of us out here. Sometimes I miss fitting in.

How's that for elliptical?

Comments

[jenlev.livejournal.com]

Fitting in is highly over rated. I'm just sayin. *hugs*

[frahulettaes.livejournal.com]

Hee! You always say that. I seem to forget until I make this post about once a year when you remind me. *hugs*

[jenlev.livejournal.com]

It's easier to say or type than to live with in this culture. ;)

[frahulettaes.livejournal.com]

so so true

[jenlev.livejournal.com]

Ack. :)