Racefail 09 or The Wreck of the Edmund FitzPrivilege

[frahulettaes]

Okay, look, here's the thing: This is one of the hardest conversations to have, like, ever. I had some of it in Trupenny's journal with some mainstream authors and supporters where the prevailing idea seemed to be, what you're saying isn't as important as how you say it and we're just going to talk about how we're talking about it and our personal feelings being hurt by your tone until you just give up and go away. To the credit of the poc involved, a lot of them did go off and talk about the 'it' and create wonderful communities and tell tales of wonder. And some of the mainstream folks went off and continued to talk about how we talk about and who's justified about talking about it and how talking about it is best done a certain way, at a certain time, determined by the comfort of those who's feelings were most hurt.

And then there were conversations about how if you weren't saying anything one way or the other you were actively supporting what was or wasn't being said or done. Dude, I'm all over that. Sam Harris in The End of Faith advocates that the biggest problem with how religion is handled in this country today is the apologizing that's done on behalf of the crazy zealots by the middle of the road, conservative, moderate believers. (re: EB about Sh#tt#rly)

I have lurked for a long time. Reading all the posts by rydra_wong and trying to hold up my own choices and behaviours to see where I did, and didn't, make the grade. And her's the thing under the thing: after I started reading about privilege, privilege started jumping off the page at me. Like everywhere. And I found I finally had words to say about it. And I may be like a five year old who learned a new word and runs around the grocery store shouting my new word at everything. But dammit, saying the word, saying it to the people doing it, is how I see changing my actions to suit my new ideas. Because continuing to just see the word and say nothing? Isn't okay with me anymore.

And here in lays the rub: this makes me a whole lot less popular than I was before and let me tell you, I was NOT a popular person before. And that's something I'll just have to get used to. And that's pretty okay with me.

And here's something else: A few years ago, I went to Readercon with a good friend and I MET a bunch of these folks. The con was held in Mass, at a huge hotel and had some odd things like potlatches, *still cracking up over that name* and lots of folks who were so interesting. And yet, even then I knew I wasn't going to fit in with that whole crowd. For a few reasons, one is that I come from a feminist background and it's darned hard to get male writers to engage in that. Dude, seriously. And two, I think I was the only one from Cali there and I LOOKED it. I was loud and I talked with my hands and wore loud colors and was expressive. I just, was totally a fish out of water.

I know that some of you on my flist are friends with folks who are fantasy and scifi writers in the mainstream. I don't know if any of you are following the debates though I hope you are. I'm not going to apologize for my words to or about them. I hope you'll still want to be friends with me. But if you feel you have to leave, go in peace.

I stopped reading scifi years ago for a lot of reasons so if I say I won't buy it anymore, that pledge would be hollow and cost me nothing. Partly I stopped reading sf/f because most books I read didn't tell the stories I wanted to read. With the exception of E Lynn's Watchtower series which introduced me to my first gay characters and McKillips Riddlemaster series which I still love but has become tarnished for me.

And besides, the only person who will really know if I buy something or not is me.

But I won't be going to anymore reader/writercons. I will instead, be reading the many new communities springing up hosting fiction from another perspective. I will be reading the books posted on poc rec's lists.
And I'll keep having the conversation and trying to get better at it.

I wil be taking things said at face value now, if the value is privileged. I won't be giving the benefit of the doubt. And I will say the words. I'm not interested in keeping my tone neutral or saying things politely. I've had that pulled on me and I just...no.

Commenting even by strangers is fine.

Comments

[jenlev.livejournal.com]

*hugs* And sending you good thoughts although, I'm beyond inarticulate.

[frahulettaes.livejournal.com]

(hugs) failboat fails. Although the death of this genre as it stands seems to be giving birth to whole new realms of story telling. Let's talk soon, k?

[jenlev.livejournal.com]

We live in interesting times, eh?

Yes, we should talk. I'm still down for the count from this frelling UTI, but will be aroundish this weekend. Give me a call? I don't think I have your new number.

[frahulettaes.livejournal.com]

Yes, lets. This weekend is good. 562-355-3737 until next week when it becomes 818-476-5000. And I amend what I said above, the death of this genre didn't create anything. The writings of poc, which have always been there, are more viewable. I'm able to see them where before, I couldn't, didn't, wouldn't.
Just for truthtelling's sake.

Isn't it interesting that sake as in for heaven's sake is the same word as sake, a wine made from rice?

[jenlev.livejournal.com]

Which proves that sake is a good thing indeed.

Have written down your numbers. :)

[marydell.livejournal.com]

*waves*

Glad to know you.

[frahulettaes.livejournal.com]

Hi! And you as well.

[mac-stone.livejournal.com]

Just a note to say still here. Still listening.

[frahulettaes.livejournal.com]

Oh I was just thinking of sending you a little note to see how you're doing. Are you okay? And it's very nice to see you!

[mac-stone.livejournal.com]

Eh - as well as can be expected. *g* Looking forward to summer and more time spent outside in the sun. But reading and learning rather a lot.

And you?

[frahulettaes.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I hear that. I was sort of hoping 09 would be a tiny bit less difficult than 08. Sadly...it's just turning out to be more work. Sigh. But, it's not like the work ever really ends. Though little break wouldn't go amiss. I wish I could say the same about summer. I live in LA which means it's summer all the damn time. *laughs* We should switch for a week! And yes to the reading. I think I may be approaching critical mass. I don't know exactly what that means in rl terms but I seem to be seeing things differently.